I must admit, since the Lion King in 3D came out in August there hasn’t been any movies I’ve wanted or needed to see. The ones that looked remotely watchable, like The Three Musketeers, were only available in 3D, and 3D movies are too expensive an excursion if you’re unable to go on half price day, which we are unable to do during term time. This week we finally had time to go to see a movie, it had been so long that we didn’t even know what was showing, so we chose a movie blind and sat down to watch the Immortals. I hadn’t read up about the movie, and I had only seen the first trailer when it released about half a year ago, so I really didn’t know what to expect, which was quite nice for a change. I went in not expecting anything. All I knew was that it looked like the 300 version of Clash of the Titans, which I didn’t have an issue with.
Immortals looks like 300, the use of the colour pallet, a similar fighting style, special effects, cinematography, and the same sort of bloody deaths, although Immortals takes it one step further. I have never seen so many heads explode because of the sheer force with which they have been hit. This is totally a guy movie. I’m not even going to bother with story on this one, it was simple and easy to follow, and the acting wasn’t bad, but Immortals is purely a visual feast. I particularly enjoyed the masks worn by Hyperion people, they were very dark and warped, my favourite was the man who was in charge of the falcon, he had this awesome leather feathered mask and shoulder pads, it just looked so cool. What I did not enjoy was the torture tools used; I hate the concept behind that giant metal bull. If I hadn’t seen it in Red Riding Hood earlier this year, I would not have immediately understood what it was when they first showed it in the film. It’s a barbaric contraption.
What I love most is the gods, though I do have an issue with how they are presented. My major complaint is this: THEY’RE TOO YOUNG! Yes, I admit that when you depict gods, especially the Greek gods, they are going to be super hot, which they were in Immortals, but these young super hot actors were just far too young, they were babies trying to play adults. You can’t act brave and wise and godlike when you’re under 25! Maybe it’s just how I’ve always imagined the Greek gods to be, beautiful but of an age where they show wisdom as well. I especially have an issue with the kid who played Ares, Daniel Sherman, boy was that a bad bit of casting. You don’t get Kellan Lutz to sign on and then make him Poseidon! He has the perfect musculature and build for Ares, and Daniel Sherman would have made a better Poseidon, he is too lithe for the role of Ares. Actually the perfect Ares would have been Mickey Rourke, but he plays a good villain. Back to Poseidon, that is the most ridiculous headgear/ crown I have ever seen! He’s wearing a bloody goldfish on his head! Seriously, they could have tried a little harder.
My only major problem with the film was the Virgin Oracle. She can see the future, but if she has sex, she loses her visions. So what does she do? She decided to have sex with the hero, before they set out on their quest that will eventually lead to a major battle! Practically, tactically, it’s the stupidest move you could make! Why give up your biggest tactical advantage i.e. seeing the future, the ability to predict the movements of the enemy! But no, the Virgin Oracle wants to give that all up, so she can sleep with a guy once, get pregnant and never have sex again! Gee that was worth giving up the ability to see the future for!
I also had a problem with the action, it was good, but they failed to show the impact when someone gets hit or stabbed and explodes in a gory mess. They were trying for the 300 level of violence, but they missed the mark. What made 300 battles feel real, made the audience wince and feel the blows, was the soundtrack coupled with the sound effects. The tempo of the soundtrack complemented the impact of the hits, coupled with very loud thumping ‘oofing’ sound effects. Immortals action missed the mark in that regard.
An interesting side note, the director is Tarsem Singh, he directed Jennifer Lopez’s The Cell (2000) which looked stunning and had a disturbing story, The Fall (2006) which I have yet to watch, but also has his trademark style, and he is the director for Mirror, Mirror! I think he has a good eye for cinematography and aesthetic.
In conclusion: TEAM POSEIDON!